As we discussed..., there are a myriad of motivations for engaging in bondage activities. One interesting perspective about restraint that shares roots in Japanese culture is a phenomenon referred to as urami, which explores the ability of restraint to dislodge feelings and memories that have been buried deep and help them float to the surface. Urami is built upon the concept of ura, that which is kept concealed or hidden, as opposed to omote, which means outside or visible on the surface. Thoughts, feelings, and desires that arise but are kept private are referred to as omoi. On a more spiritual level, urami comes from the “Shinto/Buddhist idea where the soul is bound to Earth by unfulfilled desires. These desires can be anything—unrequited love, unexpressed gratitude, unfinished business.”
Specifically in Japanese culture (but also reflected in a variety of cultures around the globe) the separation of the public and private selves is important. We frequently find ourselves wearing figurative masks in order to comply with states of being that are deemed acceptable by authority figures. Restricting someone’s freedom of movement by introducing the element of restraint creates the context for feelings of resentment (urami) toward authority figures to arise. Generally conflated with these feelings of resentment toward authority is the omoi (unfulfilled desire), though in the context of erotic bondage, the authority figure is usually a trusted and beloved partner. It is important to note that in this context, the urami is not anger or resentment directed at the bondage Top, but instead is an internal struggle that allows the personal and private self to be revealed. Therefore, practitioners usually find that once the feelings have been activated or released, the context of a scene actually opens up the omoi (unfulfilled desire) and gives it space for expression. For this reason, many people choose to use restraint as a way to “dance with their demons” or engage with their shadow sides and work through trauma, either on their own or with loved ones.
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